Cruel love, cruel life-

Is everything a lie?

You haunt me, you taunt me;

You’ve peeled off my

Cloak of invincibility;

Leaving me exposed;

Naked in limbo;

Fearful and clinging

To a hope of an impossibility;

Imagining the worst-

Craving the best.

Each new moon, brings with it dread

Each new dream, a new thread

Of the ways in and out

Of your life.

Red eyes glowing- mocking me

To wake up and sleep no more;

For sleep brings dreams, and dreams

Thoughts of unfulfilled potentials;

Losing you, gaining you,

Loving you, hating you,

Waiting for you, having you,

Whispering to you, holding you,

Leaving you, filling you,

Being with you, marrying you.

The tingle- the tension that aches;

Which forces me awake;

The wondering why;

The hope of why not;

Our desperate reality;

Our mutual drug,

Our mutual dependency;

Our mutual obsession;

Our passion and our passions!

Yearning for more,

Hoping for something else;  all else;

Having something else-

Needing nothing less,

Than the love we clearly share-

Or, do we dare

To express our true feelings;

For fear of it taking us there;

To a place, to a life, together;

Is this merely a long-term distraction?

A segue from fate?

Desires to hide inside each other?

The walls of my heart have been breeched,

By the relentlessness of your presence-

Even alone, it attacks from within;

Bringing calamity, bringing joy,

Bringing dread, bringing peace,

Bringing duality.

Bringing the thoughts in my head

Bringing me up, down, inside, out;

I want to be void, I wish to be dead,

On the inside, instead of this exposed

Weakness dying of distress.

I seek to be callous, uncaring, unforgiving;

A cad, a loner, a lover, alone…

I hope to be with you forever

Not just in my dreams,

Not just behind closed eyes,

Not just in my nightmares;

Losing you leaves me scared;

Awake in a cold sweat

Afraid that my visions are true.

I wish to shed my clothes,

I wish to rip out my soul

And replace it with a cold shield;