Imposssible Fates

Getting around to a long sought after desire to post my poetry somewhere that is mine. I'm going through my writings and will gradually post them all, even the bad stuff...I have no shame :)

This one is titled:

Impossible Fates

Cruel love, cruel life-
Is everything a lie?
You haunt me, you taunt me;
You’ve peeled off my
Cloak of invincibility;
Leaving me exposed;
Naked in limbo;
Fearful and clinging
To a hope of an impossibility;
Imagining the worst-
Craving the best.

Each new moon, brings with it dread
Each new dream, a new thread
Of the ways in and out
Of your life.
Red eyes glowing- mocking me
To wake up and sleep no more;
For sleep brings dreams, and dreams
Thoughts of unfulfilled potentials;
Losing you, gaining you,
Loving you, hating you,
Waiting for you, having you,
Whispering to you, holding you,
Leaving you, filling you,
Being with you, marrying you.

The tingle- the tension that aches;
Which forces me awake;
The wondering why;
The hope of why not;
Our desperate reality;
Our mutual drug,
Our mutual dependency;
Our mutual obsession;
Our passion and our passions!
Yearning for more,
Hoping for something else; all else;
Having something else-
Needing nothing less,
Than the love we clearly share-
Or, do we dare
To express our true feelings;
For fear of it taking us there;
To a place, to a life, together;

Is this merely a long-term distraction?
A segue from fate?
Desires to hide inside each other?
The walls of my heart have been breeched,
By the relentlessness of your presence-
Even alone, it attacks from within;
Bringing calamity, bringing joy,
Bringing dread, bringing peace,
Bringing duality.
Bringing the thoughts in my head
Bringing me up, down, inside, out;
I want to be void, I wish to be dead,
On the inside, instead of this exposed
Weakness dying of distress.
I seek to be callous, uncaring, unforgiving;
A cad, a loner, a lover, alone…

I hope to be with you forever
Not just in my dreams,
Not just behind closed eyes,
Not just in my nightmares;
Losing you leaves me scared;
Awake in a cold sweat
Afraid that my visions are true.
I wish to shed my clothes,
I wish to rip out my soul
And replace it with a cold shield;
Leaving me exposed no more.